Why?

I think of you often, I'm almost certain not a day goes by that I don't think about you.
I wonder where you would be living, what you would be doing.
I close my eyes and I see that smile, the loving and warm smile that could heal any hurt.
I hear your voice, encouraging and caring, your words could move the hardest heart to tears.
You were a caring, loving, wonderful man, and I still cry and I wonder why?
I know you were hurting, I know you were tired, but why?

I miss you Tio Paul.
You are always in my heart....

Favorite

When I was about 13 years old, I went home from school crying to my father because my teacher had made me feel like I was a complete idiot. She had asked the class what the square root of pie was, and being a topic of conversation with my father the night before, I raised my hand, and she called on the other girl, her favorite. How do I know she was her favorite? Well, she did take her home from school everyday, she did buy her school clothes at the beginning of the year, she did make sure she was elected class president, the list can go on and on, but the point is, she was the favorite and I wasn't. Along with her not picking me to answer the question, Thee favorite go it wrong, and when I busted out in laughter when she said it was correct, I think I made myself an even bigger target. She said "The square root of pie is 1.74225" and I was like um no...ahahahhaha. So my teacher gave me the eye, and she was like "Well if your so smart then what is the square root of pie"? Sweat suddenly started dripping off my face, as if someone had watered me down with a water hose, it was hilarious but the pressure was on and I said, "Since your favorite got it wrong Ill say the correct answer then we can move on". Ha! The nerve I had to speak so boldly to my teacher, as her eye widened and the words were beginning to roll off her mouth I said " The square root is 1.772453850905516027298167483314 and it has to be right or else my dads a liar". Standing there with her mouth wide open, eyes as wide as her hips, she says "Your wrong, and your father is a liar because there is no square root to a square root, there is a square root to pie, and you didn't say pie therefor your incorrect". (Tears...lots n lots of tears). From this day on I have made an assesment of myself, and I am my own worst critic, Since that horrific day in Jr High, I can honestly say I doubt myself in almost everything I do. Whether Im right or wrong, I doubt. I was reading the word today and I interpreted that doubt is not something that we should have if we are a child of Christ. Thats going to be hard, but I must say, it will be nice not to have to depend on the assurance of others and the walls I have put up for so long. Wow..God you are the lover of my soul!

Gang Raped at 15

I heard about the gang rape that took place in Richmond, CA at Richmond High School over the weekend and I was just devastated. How could at least 20 people watch and at least 10 participate in this horrific crime and not one person had the decency to call someone or report it?

I remember my high school homecoming dance, yes it something I still carry with me to this day as one of the coolest days of my life. I got to watch the guys I grew up with win the football game, and they walked around with their heads held high, and afterwords celebrate the way we always did, dance and laugh the night away. Id be lying if I said we didn't drink after or go party in the desert somewhere, but never, ever in my life did I have to worry about being gang raped by my friends.

Maybe its because I was from a small town and everyone was really close, maybe it was because our parents raised us better, I don't know. What I do know is that parents are to raise their children the best that they can, and is this the kind of job parents are doing? That their sons would be rapists and violators of a innocent 15 year old girl? What a shame. Maybe they have done the best they could possibly do, I just cant fathom a person being raised to love, respect and cherish life do such a thing, especially to a girl.

I'm no doubter that there are rotten eggs, but 20 all gathered in the same place? It just mind boggling and heart shattering. I could only imagine what that young girl was thinking. I would imagine that these life and physical inflicting wounds will be something she struggles with for the rest of her life, unless she learns and finds solice in giving her pain and hurt to God. No girl, drunk or not deserves this kind of violation. What if she was a virgin? I've studied enough books and taken enough biology and anatomy classes to know that a semi developed 15 year old body cannot take such abuse. There will be scaring, and tearing, not only of her physical body but emotional wounds as well.

I'm praying for this young girl, its the only thing I can do for her seeing as how I don't know her. What I can also do is teach my child the consequences of drinking and the harms that can come about from drinking. I'm almost afraid for my little girl and the world she is growing up in, because its far from fields, cows and cherry pies. My childhood was a magical place where you could leave your doors unlocked, your car door open and ask a neighbor to watch your house from a distance. Now is alarm this, door jams and locks that, your neighbor is a sex offender.

I have a very close friend who was raped and because she was not able to cope with the trauma of being raped, she acted out. At first it started with being boy crazy, and then it escalated to her being promiscuous with many many boys, sometimes even older men, and finally homosexuality because she could not stand the sight of men. I'm not saying that all rape victims become sex crazed girls who turn gay, I'm just stating what my friend went through and the reasons she gave her actions. By the time she was 15 years old she had, had sex with more than 25 men and had contracted sexually transmitted diseases. Our senior year of high school she had been taken to rehab for cocaine somewhere in Mexico, because in Mexico you cant leave treatment facilities as you are free to leave in the states. Through the power of prayer and God working in her life, she is now a youth pastor with a beautiful family in Texas. I'm praying that this girl has someone who can tell her about the love of Jesus, and how he redeems us all from all violation and pain.

I pray for these men as well, and for their families. I pray that God would have mercy on their souls. I pray that though this horrific crime they committed that they would seek and find God. That they would ask for forgiveness, not just for their sins, but ask the girl and her family for forgiveness too. I have compassion for these boys, but I also believe that they should have to pay the consequences for their actions. Some would say that I was crazy for saying I have compassion for these boys after what they did, but I'm no one to judge them, but I have the right to be angry. Its what I do with my anger and thoughts that make the difference. Gods word says that you must forgive in order to be forgiven. This crime was not committed against me, and I'm not the one who has to forgive, but I know the love of Christ, and what hes forgiven me for, so I feel that they deserve the same mercy that was is granted to me.

The power of prayer can move the nations, what will you pray for?

God Bless and Protect you, and thank you for reading.

11:52pm

Hello!

Its 11:52pm, do you know where your children are?
I certainly do, shes kicking me in the ribs, while singing a song.

I'm the mother to a beautiful little girl named Anissa Christina, she is a spunky, witty, energized beyond belief little girl who I adore. I gave birth to her via c-section a year and 4 months ago, greatest day of my life might I add. I have to say that carrying her in my womb was definitely challenging, and sometimes quite overwhelming, but I'm sure that is the experience of every first time mother. I had a harder time emotionally because I feared that I would not be able to carry her to full term with all the complications I had.

Complications you ask? Well for starters she was my third pregnancy, and I had miscarried the first two, so my Dr's placed me under the "high risk" status. I then found out in all the initial blood testing that I had a blood disease called Thalassemia Minor, total killer, not to me, but the symptoms made me feel like I was dead. I literally spent years of my life suffering with this disease and never even knew. It was a total relief to explain why I was tired and slept all the time as a pre-pubescent girl, and even as an adult. Its a blood disease that causes you to be severely anemic. When you suffer from anemia you get really pale, black circles under your eyes, your extremely tired, and you just wanna sleep. Not so bad when your pregnant, but when you have suffered with these disease your whole life and your mother in law calls you lazy because you sleep alot, that hurts. lol. I also developed Gestational Diabetes, which was supposed to subside after the pregnancy, and it didn't, but I don't blame Anissa, I blame genetics, and tortillas.

I must say that I enjoy being a mother, I was the oldest and I disliked babysitting, but when your a mother and its your child, it different. We definitely have fun, and that's what matters right?

Well this is my first blog, kinda rusty, but I promise that as I blog more Ill get better. Keep reading and be blessed.